Age Gap
by myonlinelifeismorephantastic
Summary: One big emotional roller coaster ensures when Dan deludes himself that their insignificant four-year age gap could be the root of all his problems.
It had been a while. Dan wasn't sure _how_ long exactly, but long enough that 'a while' more than covered it, and that was starting to get to him. What bothered Dan the most, however, was he had no idea why. He, for one, was sure it was not because _he'd_ lost interest, definitely not, and as far as he could tell, it wasn't just that they'd gotten so busy in their day-to-day lives that they never had time. Most evenings they spent doing nothing more than watching TV together anyway; plenty enough time for a little more than just _cuddling_ on the couch.

The only other option Dan could imagine was there was something more worrying Phil wasn't telling him and eventually he realised that thought, that his boyfriend was hiding something, it terrified him. If not Dan was it Phil who'd lost interest but was too scared to bring it up? Had Dan maybe done something wrong last time, he couldn't even _remember_ when that was, and that had put the older boy off? Dan just didn't know; the only thing he _did_ know was now, they just _weren't_ anymore, and that left him with only one option: to fix that right the hell up.

It hit Dan hardest one particular Saturday evening. It was a perfectly regular Saturday evening; they'd gone out for dinner having decided neither could be bothered to cook, then come back to the apartment. In an earlier stage of their relationship, at the point of getting in the taxi to come home they'd hardly have been able to wait, and certainly by the time they'd made it home Phil would be so attached to Dan's neck the younger boy would have had a hard time focusing enough to open the door, let alone walk up the stairs. Hell, one time they hadn't even made it up the first flight.

Tonight, however, the two boys only _just_ held hands and upon making it home, the only place Phil's lips went were to Dan's cheek in a simple, almost chaste kiss of gratitude, a simple thanks for dinner. That followed Phil disappeared into the bedroom, leaving Dan frowning sadly outside in the living room, almost tempted to follow the black haired boy in and demand an explanation, but too scared for the answer. Instead, he ended up joined at the opposite end of the couch by Phil, who'd changed promptly into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie.

Dan was confused and hurt; this had gone on too long now that it was beyond simply 'bothering' him. Truthfully, he was scared their relationship was drifting away. This was how it started, wasn't it? One person loses interest and they start avoiding any and all contact until eventually they spit out the problem in a dramatized argument and leave. Was this near the end? Or had they moved in the _opposite_ direction, become too old, too close, _too_ familiar? Had they just become so domestic they'd walked right out of their sex lives completely? Had it become too boring, or perhaps, Phil thought, unnecessary?

Sitting at the other end of the couch, it was absolutely killing Dan not knowing the answer. Had Phil lost interest in him all together? When? He was terrified of what he might find out if he asked, but he had to.

Hesitantly, the younger boy crawled along the sofa towards his boyfriend who'd taken up a relaxed expression reading a book towards the other end. Phil didn't take much notice that Dan could see as he came closer, weighing up the options of what to do. A moment's decision before he settled on easing into it, figuring that way, he'd give Phil time to back out and then maybe the rejection wouldn't be so harsh.

Timidly, Dan scooted closer to Phil, shuffling in next to him and gently lowering his head onto Phil's shoulder. Step one.

'Tired?' Phil asked through a chuckle, obliging to let Dan snuggle up closer, allowing him to rest his head on Phil's chest as Phil wrapped a single arm around him. Dan sighed to himself, but nodded against his boyfriend, almost wanting to go back on his plan as Phil went back to reading, wondering if this much could be enough. It wasn't; this was _far_ too platonic for Dan.

'Phil?'

Dan spoke up after a moment, gaining a momentary spark of courage from the desperation that was building. Phil didn't respond with much more than a murmur of affirmation to show he'd heard, not looking away from his book, and the distance threw Dan off course, causing him to falter and become unsure of what he'd been about to say. The small spark dissipated just like _that_.

'It was nice spending time with you tonight,' Dan admitted meekly, speaking into Phil's chest because he didn't want to see his boyfriend's expression. Phil, however, laughed softly, finally bookmarking his page, closing the book but not placing it on the table before leaning over to kiss his Dan's hair just as softly.

'You spend time with me _every_ night, darling,' Phil reminded Dan with a small smile that Dan finally looked up at, but it did little to comfort the brown haired boy. Instead, Dan could only frown back up at Phil, dissatisfied with his response.

'No, I mean, it was nice going _out_ with you for a change. It was like a date,' Dan suggested, thinking longingly back to that time in their lives where they'd have come home from dinner and not left each other alone for _hours_ afterwards.

'We're a little past the dating stage aren't we, hun?' Phil asked with another small smile, giving his boyfriend a gentle peck on the lips but it wasn't what Dan needed; it was too tame, _too_ affectionate. Very much too married-couple-who-didn't-have-sex and Dan couldn't stand it.

'Why do you keep calling me that?' He demanded in a sudden change of tone that took Phil by surprise. It was the older boy's turn to frown now as Dan sat up, staring at Phil who looked back at him, hurt and insulted.

'Sorry, I thought you liked it. I can stop...' he offered, definitely offended by Dan's sudden outburst so Dan had to sigh, regretful suddenly for being too harsh. Maybe that was the problem; it _was_ his fault after all.

'No, I _do_ , it's not...it's just...I don't know. You never used to call me such...vanilla nicknames. It always used to be...babe or… sexy, or something ridiculous like sweet cheeks,' he muttered, embarrassed realizing at ages 30 and 26 they were probably a little too old for 'sweet cheeks' but that wasn't the point. The point was Phil had stopped and Dan still didn't know why, unless it _was_ just something as depressing as maturity.

Phil looked thoughtful for a moment, staring off into the fire who's crackle was the only sound filling the room before he sighed, only now finally placing his book on the side table. Dan held his breath as he was practically trembling with the fear over what Phil could be about to say.

'I guess you're right. Guess I sort of... _transitioned_ somehow. I'm not sure why; I think sweet cheeks just started to sound a bit...immature, I guess. I figured we'd moved onto a different stage of our relationship,' he murmured, voice quiet as he was lost in thought.

Dan, on the other hand, had only grown more scared and now tears were coming to his eyes. 'Different stage'; just what did that mean? Dan had always been aware of their age gap, of course, but he figured the older they got, the less noticeable it would become. He'd had no idea that it seemed as Phil reached his 30's while Dan was still mid-20's that they'd reach some sort of impasse, some difference of opinion. Dan still thought they were _way_ too young to become that boring, settled, married couple type whose lives somehow were always 'too tiring' to even _think_ about sex, but now he worried Phil had maybe reached that stage without him.

Phil had noticed his boyfriend's sudden blanching at the mention of a 'different stage' and as he twisted to face Dan, seeing the almost tears forming in the young boy's eyes, he fell sympathetic. It was only with so many years of loving Dan that Phil could be so in tune as to guess what was bothering him so much, and he immediately wanted to fix Dan's mind about the matter.

'Hey,' Phil murmured gently, pulling Dan into a close hug and gently wiping away one tear that threatened to fall before brushing brown hair out of Dan's eyes. 'Is that what all of this is about, Dan? Are you worried we're getting too old? Because you'll always be my baby boy, you know that right?' Phil sounded sad when he spoke; he was always sad when his boyfriend was upset so he just hoped he could find the right words to say to cheer Dan up again. He figured he'd start by enforcing his words already spoken with a gentle kiss, moving forward to capture the younger boy's lips between his own. Beneath the kiss he felt Dan sigh, his hands moving across Phil's body to grip lightly at the edge of his jumper while Phil's arms held him in place.

Dan let the kiss play out for as long as Phil was willing, knowing Phil wasn't lying, but worried nonetheless this somehow could be their last kiss. Had they reached an age now where Phil was ready to really settle down while Dan was still too young, not quite there? A few years back it had been fine, they'd _both_ been young, and Dan had always been sure when they were much older it would make no difference either, because again, they'd _both_ be old. But maybe now, Dan feared, they'd reached a time where their age gap spanned two different, incompatible stages. Was Phil old enough to be thinking about marriage, kids, moving out of their flat in London to buy a house in some borough on the outskirts? Dan wasn't sure he was ready for any of that quite yet, but he also couldn't bear to feel like he was holding Phil back; he loved him too much to make him unhappy like that.

In Phil's arms, when the kiss finally ended, Dan suddenly felt very young indeed, like he'd reverted back to his insecure teenage self; how he'd been when he'd first met Phil. He knew from that time their relationship _had_ changed, but until now he'd always believed it had been for the better. Only now was he not so sure anymore.

'Dan, baby, did you want to say something?' Phil murmured, his quiet voice breaking Dan out of his trance once their kiss had ended. 'You still look upset,' Phil noted as Dan summoned the courage to look up at Phil now.

'Am I too young for you? Am I holding you back, Phil?' Dan's voice trembled but he forced his way through the words, getting them out before he could second-guess. Phil leant back in surprise, shock, staring at his boyfriend in confusion.

'What? No! Of course not. I don't believe in age gaps, you know that. If two people are this in love it shouldn't matter what _year_ they born; they're still meant to be. I've always thought that, Dan. _You_ showed me that, I know you know. Where's this come from?' Phil asked, not harshly but sternly. He'd always been adamant about getting to the bottom of Dan's problems so he could help. There was no point in the younger boy getting upset over something Phil could easily fix.

Dan, however, didn't directly answer the question; he was still too upset to do much more than ramble his way through his thoughts and fears.

'But aren't you old enough now that you might want to...I don't know, get married, have kids. What if you get sick of waiting for me?' Dan's voice wavered but he brought himself to meet Phil's eyes, not expecting the incredulous expression he found there.

'Kids?! How old do you think I am?' Phil asked with an affectionate chuckle followed quickly by a gentle kiss pressed to Dan's hair. 'I still feel like one myself sometimes. As for marriage, we'll do that when we're _both_ ready, all right? I don't want to unless you're ready too, okay. You never need to feel pressured Dan, love,' Phil finished with a soft smile, hoping to have solved the problem, but Dan still seemed unsure to Phil, small and insecure in himself; not Phil's Dan at all.

'But you said...different stage...' The younger boy muttered, tearing his gaze away from his boyfriend's blue eyes, anxiously scrunching up the fabric of Phil's hoodie where his hands still were. Gently, but with a sigh, Phil removed Dan's hands, holding them clasped in his own, softly stroking his thumb across the smooth skin there while looking down at the top of his boyfriend's brown hair. Dan had hung his head.

'Well I just meant… different from how we were when we were _first_ dating. You can understand that, right? We're more secure in our relationship now, more comfortable around each other. It's more _love_ than lust. I thought that was a good thing. I thought you did too. I mean, it's been _8 years,_ Dan. What's changed to make you say this now-'

'We haven't had sex in a month.'

Dan couldn't take it any more and ended up just blurting out the overthought root to all his problems, much to Phil's shock, who certainly hadn't been expecting _that_.

'Oh,' Phil responded with a frown, taken aback even as he realised Dan was right and suddenly he was confused, but Dan didn't leave Phil any more time to try and figure out what was going on; he was too worked up now.

'What went wrong? Did I do something? Are you mad at me? Did you just...lose interest? Do you not find me attractive anymore-'

'Dan!'

'Do you think _I've_ lost interest? Am I just not good in bed anymore? Was I not pleasing you? Do you want to try something different; role play, different positions, BDSM, I don't know! I'm up for anything you want because I'm grasping at straws here, Phil. I've been confused about this for weeks! What's gone wrong because I'm scared; I've been trying to convince myself you're not leaving me but I'm just waiting for you to say something. Have I gotten fat, or something? Do you not want to see me naked anymore? Are you going through a mid-life crisis? Have you realised you're actually straight-'

 _'What?!_ '

'Are you having some sort of...problem? _I don't know_ , can you not... get it up?'

 _'Oi!_ '

'Because I'm sure I can help you with that! There's medication for that, if you need. _I_ don't know what happens when you reach 30!'

Over the course of this rant Dan had gotten himself so overwhelmed he was practically shouting, desperate for answers. Both boys were standing up now, both a little confused as to how this had escalated into what seemed like a full on fight in the middle of their living room.

'Hey! I'm not _that_ old; my dick works just fine, thank you!'

 _'Then why aren't you sticking it in me?!'_

 _'I don't know_! I honestly have no idea! This is completely mental! Why are we shouting?'

'I don't know that either!' Dan shouted back, leaving both boys staring at each other from across the room, both breathing heavily but still more confused than anything else.

'Oh my god, just come here,' Phil broke the silence first, panting before he even pulled Dan into him, crashing their lips together and kissing him almost painfully as they locked together. It had been too long since they'd done this, they both knew, but hadn't exactly reached a conclusion as to why yet.

'I guess...we just fell into...some sort of...rut,' Dan admitted, breathlessly confused in-between kisses from his boyfriend.

'I can't believe you thought I had erectile dysfunction,' Phil muttered almost angrily as he walked Dan back against the wall. They kissed passionately for a few more seconds before Dan giggled and they both had to break away as they burst into hysterics.

'This whole conversation has been utterly insane,' Dan admitted, shaking his head as he laughed. Phil, breathless from his own laughter, had to clutch onto Dan for support. 'Can we just forget it happened? Forget this whole month happened?' He asked still laughing, but his expression was searching Phil's for acceptance of his silent apology. Phil's responding grin held exactly the expression of love in his eyes that Dan was looking for; as he met Dan's gaze the younger boy knew he was forgiven and that their whole strange miscommunication was now nothing more than an amusing story.

'Sure thing, sweet cheeks.'


End file.
